Gay in Jesus.

As you embark on reading this, may God open your spiritual eyes and keep them that way, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

First, let me quote this question as it was asked to me, by a friend as he was doing a sort of research; let me call it. ” Apart from the biblical aspect about lesbians and gays, can you be able to convince me they are bad?”

Please feel free to state your answer below, on the comments section.

I thought about this question a while before I could answer it but before I can get to my answer, I would like to mention the biblical areas homosexuality is mentioned to cover the first bit of the question.

My first encounter on it is in Genesis 19 from verse 14 when all the men; young and old from all parts of Sodom surround Lot’s house demanding for the angels to be brought out for the men to have sex with them. Fast forward to verse 24 when God rains down brimstone and fire to Sodom and Gomorrah.

It is then mentioned in Leviticus 18 and 20 among the laws against, given to Moses for the Israelites.

It is also then mentioned in Romans, 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy.

Alongside the stated above chapters and verses, lie other forms of sin that are also against God’s will. This goes to show that homosexuality is not a unique sin. It is one example of what is wrong with all of us. It would however be wrong to place sexual immorality in the same category as any other sin because every sin that a man does is OUTSIDE the body, but he who commits sexual immorality, sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit [who is] in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? [1 Corinthians 6:18-19].

So, sexual immorality is basically sinning against you and showing disrespect to your Maker. This is not to say that an adulterer or homosexual should be stoned whilst the thief is readied for a banquet.

Now, let us revisit the question. Here lies my answer. I cannot be able to convince my friend or anyone else for that matter, that lesbians and gays or anyone else in the LGBTQ community is bad. Because firstly, at the end of the day, the conviction is your own. Secondly, there is a big difference between a homosexual and homosexuality. The same way there is a big difference between a sinner and a sin.

I would like to explain a certain level I feel most of us get stuck at using my own experience. When I was in the world (insert Marcus Rogers’ voice saying “when I was in the world” haha) I was experimental and daring and really just down for ‘whatever’ in that case I was very supportive of LGBTQ, the girl on the sidelines who’s always yelling, “why can’t you just let people be and let them leave their lives?” “why are you always hating?” And all that. This is stage one.

Stage Two: When I came out from the world, my first encounter of the above was on 25th May 2019 when “Gay rights organisations had hoped Kenya would follow in the footsteps of African nations like Angola, or those further afield like India, and end decades-old laws which criminalise gay sex.” I remember feeling disgust and hate and their synonyms toward the LGBTQs. You know why? Because, what you forget, you begin to judge.

I did not just blink and wait for the judgmental, hateful feelings to disappear, I had to pray to move past this. I knew I had to because I know some of these people, they are good people, good people lost in the world.

How can you be able to love the sinner and hate the sin when you’re hating the sinner? How can you be able to help a willing sinner when you’re attacking him? You cannot. Stage 3.

Now most of us get stuck at stage 2 because we forget the Grace of God, that which saved us in the first place. In this case, we begin to judge without having solutions at hand. This is not to mean that we should be accommodative of such immorality in our community but it shouldn’t be a leeway to preach doom and the wages of sin forgetting to preach about the unfailing love and grace of our Almighty.

Having for instance, the church community support a sinner in moving past their sin, regardless of whether it is a sexual sin or otherwise, goes a long way.

Below is a linked testimony of a lady who was once a lesbian, the lady says, “returning to church was cool, they were really loving people, it was like a family…if I didn’t have chritians around me to support and encourage me, I would have been doomed for the most part.” https://youtu.be/s-9X6X5aFKo

1Corinthians 9.22 – To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.

Even as we strive to become all things to all men that we may by all means save some, let us embrace and preach the Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” kind of gospel.

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Are You Even Your Type’s Type?

Do you know that it is very much possible to find yourself in a relationship that you had no idea was brewing in the first place?

If you’re anything like me, you’ll worry more about the other person’s feelings than you will about your own and the “How did this happen?” “Since when?” Kind of questions will fade before reaching your tongue and off you will go, following the yellow brick road to see the wizard of Oz. Spoiler Alert: He doesn’t even exist.

If you’re anything like some of my friends, you will rather avoid the, “what are we?” question with a trapping blurred explanation that nonetheless traps you in a relationship.

In both these situations, the avoider of explanations and questions hopes this will end soon because in the vague term, “I don’t want to hurt him/her”, lies a coward trapped in a world of never having known themselves before getting into what is now a sticky situation.

One of the worst tragedies that can be fall you, I feel, is allowing someone else into your life before knowing what your life is about.

In the above case scenarios, both these people strive to make the the other person happy, they compromise, they dwindle in their personal choices, they; without knowing, let the relationship determine their life purpose and worse of all, because God is not at the center of this relationship, they will forever pray for God to bless it and forever say He doesn’t answer their prayers. How can He?

See, before you can wholly love someone else (Matthew 22.39), you need to wholly love yourself and for you to wholly love yourself, you need to love God first; ‘with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’ (Matthew 22.37). Only He can show you how to love and accept everything about yourself then it trickles down to loving other people; otherwise, you will get mad for not getting that compliment you so feel you deserve, you will always feel like you love too much, give too much, you will always feel insecure, you will change yourself for the other person; you know why? Because in the beginning, before knowing and understanding yourself, you allowed someone else into your life and as you well know, without a foundation, the house will tumble.

Our hearts determine the course of our lives so we should guard it above all else ( Proverbs 4.23). When we fail to do this, all choices we make will end tragically: ‘Proverbs14.12 – There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.’ You know why? ‘The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?’ (Jeremiah 17.9).

Only God can, so God above all else.

Testimonies Don’t Have to Be Backed by Tragedies.

I’ve seen this mostly on Talent Shows; during auditions, just before one of the grandest performances the audience and the judges might ever see, the beholder of the talent has a tragic tale to tell, sometimes so doleful, it may move you to tears.

Close to two weeks ago, Ice stated her notice as well, “Kwani kila mtu mwenye ako na amazing talent huwa na sad story?” So then I figured this is not just a me thing. Tell me you’ve noticed it too?

It shouldn’t have, but it got me thinking of the many times I felt unworthy of making a testimony, for none of mine would be backed by misfortunes that had befell me.

I remember wishing something bad would happen to me; something like a disease or an accident that I would survive to tell about.

I’ll forever be grateful that that didn’t happen because I am now on a different set of eyes.

I know that to be able to say that I am held by the hands that created the heavens, that I have been made whole again, that sin has been separated from me, as far as the East is from the West and His Grace holds me now; to be able to say this and wholly understand it, is the greatest testimony of all.

The physical eye is meant to say to the spiritual eye, “Not this, but the Maker of this, is the Desire of your soul.” (John Piper).

All glory to God.

Sis, How About That Road Trip?

Is it really a normal reaction to smile when somebody tells you, “tutakosana siku moja juu ya hii play list yako,” well, unless the smile is wicked and you’ve hanged them upside down the custard apple tree in your mind, because play lists are glorious things, the person might as well go right out to say how much she hates your music.

In times past, this was Ice-Penguin and I, but when she smiled, it wasn’t wicked, it was enchanting, almost as if the smile wasn’t hers and like she had just been let in on a secret I didn’t know. This just made me even more riled up because I had said that to vex her and yet she remained unchanging, it’s never fun when you annoy your sister to get her attention but it stops working, is it?

My sister’s music play list is composed of body shattering, heart rendering, soul filling Gospel music. For a time, this type of music made me stop imagining road trips with her because unless we’re going to practice Silence and Solitude by Barton in the car, I want our road trip play list to have Panic! At the Disco, Capital Cities and Alabama Shakes strident through the speakers; not Tasha Cobbs singing for the spirit to fill us up till we overflow and Hillsong United declaring there’s a Grace when the heart is under fire, another way when the walls are closing in. Sounds to me like anxiety and claustrophobia about to kick in so, Nope. No, thanks. Pass!

My friend Sword, asked me how and when it is that I got saved. I tried to think about it because I have a habit of always wanting to have an answer to every question asked (bad habit) but I didn’t have an answer. I have a vague idea of the when but I don’t even know how it happened. Then I remembered John Green’s words in his book, ‘The Fault In Our Stars,’ ” the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” That is how I got saved.

I believe in this, as far as being saved is concerned, we all are. The realisation of it however, is what marks the beginning of our actual journey toward our purpose because the former is merely kids play.

That is the same way my music play list changed, the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I was listening to the song ‘Purpose’ by Justin Bieber and I thought how even more amazing these lyrics would be if they were being sang to God. That is when every love song I tried to listen to stopped sounding like just a love song.

Every time ‘Annie’s Song’ by John Denver pops up in my head, I find myself singing out loud, ” You fill up my senses like a night in the forest, like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain, like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean. You fill up my senses, come fill me again,” to God wishing every beautiful love song was to Him.

Even as my music play list changes, bounty filled by the day with loves songs to Jesus, I am grateful to have come this far and with songs that give me purpose.

“I am a thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway” (Sidewalk Prophets-You Love Me Anyway).

Where art Thou Angel?

Do you ever just seat; pealing potatoes for supper, Big Daddy Weave’s song ‘Alive’ blaring through the headphones and just imagine what your reaction would be like if an Angel just appeared in front of you?

First of all, I don’t understand why my Angel imagination has not caught up on today’s men’s wear. He’s here (in my mind), standing majestically making the sandals look good because of the very perfect toes and don’t get me started on the eye piercing white attire he has wrapped around -greek god type way-. Also, is the sword really necessary? I am willing to comply, I promise.

As far as my reaction is concerned, I would pretend I’ve seen nothing. Peal away at those potatoes over thinking about doomsday, waiting; not very eagerly, for what would happen next. I’d probably blame the campus me for smoking weed, I’d then blame the daily me for being so fixated on understanding mental illnesses; because as you can well see, all these things are catching on and I might be going mad.

My friend, Sword, told me that his reaction would comprise the following, “What’s up? Took you long enough.” Because I believe I know him well, I am certain this statement has not been said lightly. Also, it is without a hidden motive that is fear masked in boldness. It may actually be weaved in excitement, eagerness and curiosity to really know what’s up.

My reaction and over thinking is however overflowing with fear and that is why this marvelous Angel visit is most likely to happen to Sword than it is to me. You know why? Firstly, and I’ve said this before, it is because darkness and light can never exist in one place at the same time. So, what would you call, believing and being scared all at the same time?

I have not one word for it but I have phrase; it is like making a decision to walk on a very familiar path with your eyes closed but you can’t. You know how far the fence comes to the road, you know the position of each pothole, you know every bend, every raising and every small valley of the ground and yet, after every few steps, your eyes so naturally open because you’re scared to fall.

Matthew.6.27 – Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

It is so hard to let go of what you’re used to and decide to walk with your eyes shut because you’re relying on your blind eyes to see but you know what Psalms.40.2 says? He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

So let us close our eyes and walk on that very familiar path all the way through for fear is not our potion and “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah.55.9)

Dreams.

Perhaps one of the worst feelings is to know that you’re dreaming but you can’t be able to wake up. Perhaps a worser feeling is when the dream is in volumes, terribly scary. Perhaps the most worse feeling is to replay it over and over again when you’re conscious but it doesn’t make sense.

I had such a dream not so long ago and I’ve had nightmares before but there was an unsettling feeling about this one that ranked it the most terrifying I’ve ever had in my life.

I can imagine how troubled the King of Egypt was after dreaming of cows eating cows and grain eating grain that he had to send out for magicians and wise men to translate these dreams for him. Gen.41:8. They weren’t successful because only a man filled with the spirit of God could.

The day before I had the dream, a friend of mine said, you should do all you can to feel every space with God, kind of like, “Phil.4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” He said this because the devil thrives in filling up empty spaces and perhaps that saying should change to, “Empty spaces, are the devil’s workshop.”

At the end of my dream, I was curled up in a ball, turning from left to right in a nauseating motion screaming in despair, “Jesus don’t leave me,” but I could feel the spirit rise in order to leave so I screamed louder clinging to my chest to keep the spirit from leaving.

I always wonder what later happens to the possessed girl in the movie when she’s in distress and the screams are faded out, it goes silent and then dark and the credits begin to flow.

Several weeks to this dream, I was battling with stagnation leading to mediocrity because I wasn’t ready to let go of the world and let my Faith grow in strength and greatness, also, it was scary thinking of all that God has in store for me but we thank Him for this dream.

What happens to the girl in distress when the screams are faded out and it goes silent and then dark and the credits begin to flow is Jesus because He never leaves, for light can never exist in the same place as darkness.

Letting go and letting God does not merely mean letting God take over your problems, it strongly means letting go of yourself and letting God take over because the most free people on earth are those most free from earth.

“The best thing is that Jesus does not deal with your mind which is conscious and with limits. He deals with your spirit; endless, timeless, limitless; able to take in all as it is given by God.” (Ice Pengy, 2019.)

These Things…

I saw a girl get teary for seeing a bed.
It was because she’d only ever slept on animal skin on the floor.
Hers were happy tears.
I got teary when I saw the girl get teary for seeing a bed.
It was because I’d never even once thought it was a privilege to have a bed.
Mine were rueful tears.