I always say, I would rather the person that begs for food than that who begs for money. More so, I’ll wholly give whatever meal I have to the former but reluctantly give coins to the latter.
I have an even bigger problem giving to those who have able hands and legs to work but choose to beg. Question is, is my difficulty to give just an excuse for my selfishness?
Close to two weeks ago, as we were headed for shopping with my brother, a man approached me right about the entrance of the supermarket. (When I’m walking in Nairobi, all my senses are extra alert in a spiderman kind of way, I really don’t like those streets).
He held my elbow for attention, not in a ruthless way. His hand felt cold and ghostly, very distant, almost begging for attention but never reaching it. I could feel his presence even after he had left.
Right then, my senses went to overdrive so his voice was at such a distance as I tried to calculate my next move, James Bond type of thing. So I heard the words “njaa”, and “chakula” and I could barely make out the rest as I said “wacha niingie hapa ntakuchukulia kitu.”
Did I even say that out loud? Did I play it cool or did I look like I was running for my life? I might have played it out in my head like roses and feathery cushions but in real sense I feel like my reaction was prickly because of how bruv came to “my rescue”.
In reality, I was traumatised, I was scared and I could barely speak. I felt like I had been tarnished. I felt confused and my mind violated. Yeah, I know. I wondered why as well.
So Matt and I decided to get him milk though Matt asked, “Are we getting him milk because we want to or because we feel guilty, especially cause of that begging for food thing you always say?” When we left the supermarket, he wasn’t there to receive it.
Above all things that bothered my mind on that day, my reaction topped the list. I pride myself in being so very kind but I am not. My pride is filled with so much self righteousness that I have forgotten why I should be kind in the first place.
As I played through that scene, two scenes came to mind, one; of Jesus with the many needy people He came across and his reaction to each one. The second scene was of me and how I should have reacted to that man outside the supermarket.
God is amazing for showing us our faults and providing a solution; no guilt trip whatsoever, hadi unafeel kujipeleka guilt trip mwenyewe cause, how incredible is this?
I have hardly seen a person show compassion while tossing that coin to a begger, I see how busy we get on our phones when they pass by, how fast our paces get when they try to approach us.
I know, just like you know, that this world is filled with wickedness and with that, many fraudulent ways for people to get our money. Two questions: won’t you just use that 50 bob you would have given for uuuuum lol obviously sio kununua gari…also, why can’t we just trust THE GIVER, not the given.
If the ticket to heaven was to only those who can show compassion to the needy on the streets by just love, sitting next to them, holding their hand, hugging them, without feeling even an ounce of ickiness, I wonder how many people would qualify?