My Messiah Complex.

I attract; kind of like mosquito repellant, the more I apply, the more they bite.

If bio-oil had a face, it would be mine. If damage was a person, I would be his skin, covering up every scar, stitching up every wound, making every stretchmark all clear.

I’ll carry every burden of yours before you share it with me, I’ll try to fix it before you ask me to; I act like the beholder of all answers to questions about problems you haven’t faced yet.

Caught in between your fire so let me be cinder as I turn myself into an extinguisher. Caught in between your storm so let me be space as I turn myself into the eye of it. Caught in between your brokenness so let me be fragment as I turn myself to the glue that holds you back together.

I attract; as though I hold a large banner over my head reading, “Come all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”

Please break my back with your baggage if it’ll make you feel better. It’s okay. I’d rather bear rocks in my pockets, choke up the salty water as I hold you above it to breath.

I attract; as though Exodus 3:14 talks about me. I know that it is by His grace that I am what I am, yet by my actions it seems that I have taken up the role of ‘I AM’.

My life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus; the work of telling others the Good News about God’s wonderful kindness and love. (Acts.20.24)

Yet still, my life is worth nothing if I use it for doing the work assigned me, by me.

There once was a man, his name John, sent by God to point out the way to the Life-Light. He came to show everyone where to look, who to believe in. John was not himself the Light; he was there to show the way to the Light. (John 1:6-8).

I am not myself the light, I am not the Messiah.

The freedom of the future Versus the familiarity of Bondage.

Below is a statement I heard as I was listening to one of Samuel’s (Calledout Music) live videos on Instagram last week:
“God taking the temptation away doesn’t change you having the desire for it.”

Not so long ago it dawned on me that the deeper you seek God, the deeper the devil seeks you and everything you thought you were done battling with may come crushing you down hard.

This may bring about fear of the future which comes with a “pretty good” excuse to stagnate or want to choose an ordinary life over ministry because the freedom of the future feels so unfamiliar that we prefer the familiarity of bondage.

In 1 Corinthians 10:13, we’re told that no test or temptation that comes our way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All we need to remember is that God will never let us down; he’ll never let us be pushed past our limit; he’ll always be there to help us come through it.

There’s a grace when the heart is under fire, just look at the space between where you used to be and this reckoning.(Another in the fire- Hillsong United).

I love GOD because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. He listened so intently as I laid out my case before him. Death stared me in the face, hell was hard on my heels. Up against it, I didn’t know which way to turn; then I called out to GOD for help: “Please, GOD!” I cried out. “Save my life!” GOD is gracious, it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. GOD takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me. ( Psalms 116: 1-6).

Do not be discouraged, He is with you. Do not be dismayed, He is your God. He will strengthen you by giving you a way to endure which will make you resilient and more equipped for the future as opposed to a way out. He will hold you steady and keep a firm grip on you.

Niliskia Kitu Ikiniambia…

I went through hell last week facing consequences to situations the Holy Spirit had already steered me clear from.

I even sang along to ‘Trust and Obey,’ then forgot half way through because the alternatives were so shiny and attractive; very much like blood diamonds.

To every question I asked, the Holy Spirit gave me an answer to but the decisions made by my blood transmitter and frail mind suited perfectly what I’d rather.

I want so very badly for Him to tell me, “I told you so,” may be I’ll feel a little better for the error in my ways but He doesn’t, instead, He remains my teacher and comforter, nursing wounds I chased after myself.

I so often hear people say, “nliskia kitu ikiniambia…lakini nikaignore, I wish ngejua.” Then go about life like something very significant hasn’t just been spoken.

It is such a disappointment especially because we can’t say, “it was said once that’s why I didn’t hear…it was said once that’s why I brushed it off.” The voice of the Spirit of God is never only once heard.

When we can’t hear, we’re shown. When we can’t see, we’re led. When we get lost, we’re found and yet even when we know we’re weak and He is mighty, we choose our ways over His.

These ways fail and we run back to Him with our hands lifted high, lean back into His loving arms and cry for forgiveness, with sincere hearts we’re forgiven.

With how often we forget, with how often we run to Him with expectation, do you not dread the time you become like Esau, begging in order for the blessings and not because you have gone against God? Do you not dread the time He will turn away from You and no longer discipline you? (Hebrews 12:8). With how often we don’t listen, do you not dread the time you you shall be cast out?

He remains faithful to forgive us and guide us but question is, when you pray to Him to fix faults in yourself for you are an underling, when you pray to Him to forgive you, is it because you fear to lose your inheritance or because you have gone against Him?

Submission Does Not Mean Leaving Your Brain At The Altar.

I remember a time I wanted to put up on my WhatsApp status, the words, ‘A man away from the presence of God will never get proper instructions to lead you,’ from one of Mike Todd’s sermons on relationship goals.

I could already guess what some of my friend’s responses would be…”first of all, why is a man leading you in the first place?”

I could already guess this because even without wanting to admit it, I was thinking it too. I can make out a whole list of why, in order to justify myself and others; may be blame it on the society, my upbringing, social media and the like but I am well grown to know not to do that. In fact, I am well grown to know that if my mindset is as it was some few years ago, then I am the one with the problem.

Despite what the world says on submission, despite how many petitions are signed on gender equality; among plenty of knowledge the bible equips us with, lies this matter as well and it doesn’t matter whether you accept this or not, before arguing out your points, know that by wisdom, a house is built and through understanding, it is established, through knowledge, its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasure (Proverbs 24:3-4).

This topic is broad and putting all things to perspective including how much it has been perverted; may take years to exhaust. Having said that however, I would like to put a few points across.

It is beautiful and thoroughly motivating with a high boost in independence to see oneself as the woman who is clothed with strength and dignity and can so easily laugh at the days to come. (Proverbs 31:25)yet it is rare to accept that this same woman is called to be submissive to her husband so that, if he does not believe the word, he may be won over without words but by her behavior when he sees the purity and reverence of her life. (1 Peter 3:1-2). To the human mind, this seems unfair, to some extent, even diminishing; we’re however not called to be of this world and rarely are we called to easy tasks by God, but glory be to Him for His grace is sufficient and we can lean back and fully rely on Him.

As we play our God given role with respect to Him, don’t you agree that it takes a man in the presence of God to ponder this, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10).

For if a man does not know the difference between the love of the world and the love of Christ, how will he know how to love you as Christ loved the church? (Ephesians 5: 25). How will he know that you’re worth far more than rubies? For if a man does not have honour and respect for God, how will he have honour and respect for you?

For if a woman is away from the presence of God, how can she speak with wisdom, having faithful instruction on her tongue? (Proverbs 31:26). For if a woman has no honour and respect for her husband, how can he have full confidence in her? How can he say he lacks nothing of value? (Proverbs 31:11).

It is not an error that in Ephesians 5:33, husbands are asked to love and wives, to respect and not the other way round. This is not to say that submission is putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.

In as much as we’d like to go forth creating new ways to fit a today society, we need to remember not to let this Book of the Law depart from our mouths. We are asked to meditate on it day and night, so that we may be careful to do everything written in it. Then we will be prosperous and successful. (Joshua 1:8).

By His laws and not ours, can we erase the errors of our mindset.

Let me Not.

Let me not fall by pride but at your feet; humble in acknowledgement that you’re my Everlasting God, creator of all that I am.

Let me not fall by blind sight but by fear and by trembling serving You and rejoicing in Your name.

Let me not fall by ignorance but at the voice of knowledge awakening me as she asks, “How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?” (Proverbs1.22)

Let me not fall by charm that is deceptive and beauty that is fleeting but stand firm on wisdom, flowing from my tongue; the law of kindness.

Let me not fall by the world but stand firm in your Word for You are King; the Ancient of Days.

A City on A Hill.

No matter it be subconsciously, do you ever find yourself mellowing down your faith edification routine so that the person you are around may not get uncomfortable?

Let me lead with this: a mother does not stop eating solid food because the baby is yet to do the same.

It played a huge role to me that Ice went on about her routines concerning her Christianity when we were together, no matter how uncomfortable it got me. It was in her habits that I got curious, in her habits that I saw God.

Mellowing down your faith edification routine may in most cases lead to starvation and in starvation, you fall short of being in tune with the Holy Spirit, shutting out messages and answers from God that would have otherwise made your daily path straight and free from depending on yourself; some of these messages may be on better ways to help the person around you to Christ.

Matthew 5:14-16, You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Stop Peeking Through.

Some of my worries; when I took God’s hand and let Him guide my way, were the friends I thought I would no longer get to keep. I was like a stubborn child throwing a tantrum, “…but I like all these toys!” I was also worried about all the books, all the movies, all the series, music…all the things I couldn’t continue obsessing over.

I’d like you to note the first part of that statement, “… when I took God’s hand and let Him guide my way…” then I would like you to note the abundance of the letter ‘I’ that follows, I’d also like you to note these things I was worried I’d have to let go of.

Do you see how easy it is to place ourselves at the center, especially when we worry? When was the last time you stopped asking why and started saying thank you, thank you for even the sorrow you’re going through? It is After all God who teaches us to say “whatever my lot, it is well with my soul.”

Be it peace like a river, be it sorrow like sea bellows, it is well with our souls but we still ask why, we still hold on to these things of the world that drag us down, it is more ‘We’ than it is ‘He’ ; the creator of all we are.

We plenty, pray for our loved ones to get…that job, that car…these things…and I am not saying that it is wrong to pray for these things but when was the last time you prayed for your loved one to have a deeper, much closer relationship with Jesus? Does it really matter to have the world when you don’t have Jesus?

We need to take this focus away from ourselves and give it to God, wholly. Not give it to Him and still have an abundance in ‘I’. We need to take this focus away from what we think we want or what we want to keep.

We need to start walking by Faith. We need to stop peeking through to see whether we’re about to fall, He will catch us when we do and even if He doesn’t, His will is greater, much greater than our understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-7, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.